


I'd Like My Ice-Cream with Slavery Sprinkles!

by Chromaticism



Series: Javik Trolls Primitives [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, Javik Trolling Like Mad, One Shot, Primitives Everywhere, insane troll logic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 10:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3724714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chromaticism/pseuds/Chromaticism
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for the kinkmeme:</p><p>Liara is out doing stuff and Javik decides it wouldn't hurt to take his hoard of blue daughters out for some ice cream. This ice cream stand also happens to be in an area where many different aliens are congregating. Seeing as how he was charged with building a new Prothean empire, he takes this chance to quiz his daughters on the proper enslavement techniques for various species, what kind of labor they'd be best suited for and stuff like that.</p><p>+ Javik has accepted the Prothean empire will never return so he mainly does this with his daughters to troll random people, because seeing the horrified looks of people as a group of 8 year olds discussing purging entire species never gets old</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd Like My Ice-Cream with Slavery Sprinkles!

"Javik, can I have some more ice cream please?" Benezia calmly asked in her prim cadence.

Javik grunted and assessed his primary adversary, no his youngest daughter, carefully. The smear of chocolate ice cream on her chin marring her otherwise perfectly presentable appearance pleased him. It almost made her refusal to call him father ignorable. It was a childish victory, but it was a victory nonetheless.

If the Normandy crew of primitives could see how his youngest bullied, no, disrespected him, he'd never live it down. But she was definitely his daughter, not Liara's. No-one else but someone like him would have the audacity to defy him like this.

Javik smiled.

"Very well. You may ask the human primitive for more of your fattening human mixture. I'll wait for your sisters here," Javik replied.

Benezia rolled her eyes at him, and he couldn't help but mockingly smile in response. All he could think was victory as she huffed before walking back towards the ice cream stand.

Praise be to the Empire that they'd engineered the asari to have little fat retention. Benezia would be like one of those volus primitives otherwise. Her ice cream addiction was troubling.

Javik surveyed his surroundings and sneered. Primitives everywhere were watching him with indulgent smiles. Disgusting. Were they mocking his daughter's disrespect of him?

Then two masses collided into his lower back and their smiles suddenly made a lot more sense. The twins had decided to stop hassling that turian C-Sec officer, Lieutenant Hero? Haron? Something like that. It wouldn't have been seemly for him to be seen with the twins.

They were rambunctious.

Why did Liara even encourage their childishness? They were 9. Childhood was useless after all. But as he'd learnt, Liara was always right if he wanted any real peace from her.

Javik had fought in his first battle at 8. The twins should be wielding omniblades with the skill of those Cerberus Phantoms at this point.

"Dad!" Athame cried into his back.

"Ice-cream!!" Zylia squealed.

Javik turned to face them and hushed them both. People were audibly laughing.

He would have his revenge. That... he could guarantee.

Javik knelt down to the twins' height.

"Go and join Benezia in the queue in front of the primitive and you can get as much ice-cream as you like. But, in return we're going to play Prothean Empire. Is that acceptable?" Javik asked with a slowly growing smirk.

The girls shared a quick look before nodding.

"Okay." Athame and Zylia said in chorus.

They than ran off to join Benezia.

Javik was impatient for them to come back. The stares were starting to make him edgy.

* * *

"So, what are the three main tenets of the Prothean Empire?" Javik asked his daughters patiently after they'd taken their seats in the seating near the ice cream vendor.

Benezia sighed in disbelief before proceeding to daintily lick at her ice-cream.

"I know!" Zylia exclaimed. "One is that Protheans are supe-roar to all other species!"

Javik heard a gasp from the nearby crowds and couldn't help but chuckle in his mind. If they were offended now...

"Superior," Benezia mumbled under her breath.

Javik nodded.

"The second?" Javik asked.

"Any being that can not best a Prothean is a primitive, and primitives are all sub-servent to Protheans. Those that can best a Prothean have yet to realize their true place in the Empire." Athame said.

"Subservient," Benezia corrected.

Javik gave Athame and Benezia nods of approval. He appreciated Benezia playing along, even if the true purpose of the game was clear to her. He couldn't believe he'd once wished that the asari had never mastered writing. Benezia would make a great successor to her mother when Liara ever grew tired of playing cloak and dagger with the primitives.

"The third?"

He wasn't surprised that Zylia and Athame couldn't remember this one. Javik stared at Benezia.

"The Cosmic Imperative." Benezia stated with a pained expression.

"Go on." Javik said with a growing smirk.

Zylia and Athame were watching the two of them like they were about to resort to blows.

"I hope you know that mother is going to lock you out of her room when she finds out about this." Benezia whispered.

"No she won't!" Zylia exclaimed.

"She will, Zylia. It happened the last time we played Prothean Empire." Athame said.

Javik shrugged. Liara HATED when he brought up the imperialistic nature of Protheans to their children, but it was more than worth it. Liara couldn't resist him for long regardless. Primitives in this cycle had a surprisingly high mating drive. He'd been oddly pleased to discover that. In his mind, excessive mating had previously been the sign of a lesser species.

After all, conquest and subjugation are difficult to accomplish when mating is on one's mind.

"The Cosmic Imperative states that the strong are strengthened through conflict whilst the weak are weakened through it. This is the absolute rule that governs our known universe," Benezia said with a ring of chocolate ice cream surrounding her lips.

Javik supposed Benezia couldn't be perfect. Her inability to keep all of the human culinary abomination in her mouth was surprisingly endearing. It helped to remind him that despite her unnatural maturity she was still only 6.

"Very good, Benezia. All of you, in fact," Javik praised. He watched Zylia and Athame share a high-five, a detestable human primitive act, before proceeding to eat their ice-cream once more. Benezia was taking notice of their audience with brief glances to her left and right.

"Now we're going to move on to the next part of the game," Javik said. It was hard to fight the maniacal smile that threatened to cross his face.

"Is it Avatars? Because I am Zylia, the Avatar of Awesome!" Zylia exclaimed.

"Of course it's not, Silly-a," Athame argued. She then stopped to blow a raspberry at Zylia who blew one back.

If Javik's brow had the capability, it would twitch. He swore it would.

"There's a sports center nearby so it's obviously going to be the Prothean version of Biotiball! Did either of you bring Mr Primitive?" Athame asked.

Javik couldn't help but chuckle at that. Mr Primitive was their favourite ball that had a picture of a volus on it. Liara had named it that as a joke, and it had surprisingly stuck.

"You're both being silly. It's primitive subjugation. Isn't it, Javik?" Benezia asked.

Javik nodded. There was a very good reason that Benezia was his favourite. Not that it took a lot of effort to be better than the twins in his books.

Zylia and Athame bounced in their seats.

"Ohhhh!! I like this game! Can I start with the vorcha? They're the easiest." Zylia asked with a giant smile on her face. People were looking at her with open smiles, some human females even grinning. He could only assume that they hadn't heard Benezia. They were incredibly cute after all.

Oh that would change. The crowd smiling, not their cuteness. Prothean genes didn't allow for ugliness, naturally.

Javik gave Zylia the go-ahead.

"Vorcha make poor slaves as they're really, really stupid. And, and.. they stink," Zylia said whilst holding her nose in disgust.

There was scattered laughter. Confused, scattered laughter. Zylia's next comment changed that.

"So that's why they'd all be killed as they're too primitive for use in the Empire. They're not worth the effort to enslave," Zylia calmly stated in contrast to her earlier excitable chattering. Athame gave Zylia a confirming nod.

"They really do stink, dad." Athame said in a deadly serious tone.

Javik wanted to cackle as he looked at the jaws dropping around them, but that would not be befitting behaviour for a Prothean. A nearby krogan was laughing loudly.

His humour would have to be substituted for his own.

"Actually, Zylia, their ability to adapt to environments so well would ensure them a place in the Empire as lab-rats. Even the most primitive being in the galaxy has a place in the Prothean Empire. Remember that." Javik calmly stated.

Whether they would still retain their status of 'being' rather than 'thing' was another matter. Legislation had always been particularly.. malleable when it came to species rights in his cycle.

"Yes, dad," Zylia said.

"How about the salarians?" Javik asked.

"Mother is going to flay you with her mind, Javik," Benezia said with a slight smile. It was menacing and did not fit her round, young face. Maybe it was time for him to stop watching turian military documentaries with her. Her face reminded him of the actor who'd played Saren in the vid, 'the Battle of the Citadel', as he watched the Reaper destroy everything in sight on the Presidium.

Javik ignored her comment and noted to himself that it had been a mistake letting the human commander visit his daughters. They'd picked up so many bad habits and anecdotes from that formidable human primitive.

Javik ignored the large part of his mind that insisted he had been honoured by the red haired human female's visit.

"Ignore your silly primitive sister, girls. She just has yet to tap into the true Prothean mindset. Illusive as it is. Salarians?" Javik asked as Benezia rolled her eyes, another annoying human habit.

"You destroy all their computer terminals and they'll lose their minds!" Zylia exclaimed with her hands miming an explosion.

"No, Silly-a, they'll just rebuild them in like a day. How would you destroy all of them anyway? No, what you do is you make them all stupid like the vorcha." Athame answered as Zylia pouted in return.

Laughs were coming from the crowd again. Wrong reaction.

"Benezia?" Javik asked.

"You create a bio-weapon to induce sterility in all their females and use that as a means of control. I hear the salarians already have one, the Genophage, right?" Benezia asked with a smirk in her eyes.

The crowd was openly horrified now.

Javik openly smiled at his wonderful little daughter as the krogan, the cured krogan, shouted at Benezia. Benezia advocating forced sterility at the age of 6. His beautiful, little primitive asari daughter was an honorary Prothean.

"Remind me not to get on your bad side when you grow up, asari!" the Krogan shouted.

"Good idea, Benezia. I like your sense of poetic justice. As the Prothean Avatar of Vengeance it warms me." Benezia slightly smiled at him and Javik paused to appreciate the rare sight before forging on.

"However, the salarians are more likely to take a means of revenge that would mean disaster for the Empire, or cure it themselves, than to submit to the glorious regime. They are surprisingly vengeful despite their pathetic bodies. The Empire would likely wipe them out as the salarians are far too dangerous to have labouring for the Empire unwillingly. Which is a shame, as they are incredibly intelligent for primitives." Javik said.

The twins nodded to each other, seeming to commit his words to memory and Benezia went back to nursing her ice-cream.

"Yeah! Cut those two-faced frog bastards to size!" Their eager krogan spectator cried.

They were silent for a while following that, Javik was waiting for the crowd to disperse a little. One of the salarians was looking at Benezia like he wanted to dissect her.

Javik would ask Liara to enquire into his background. She likely had a means of watching, and hearing, all the chaos he and the girls were causing. The salarian could possibly be dangerous, or failing that he could be as insane as that scientist primitive he'd met briefly on the Normandy.

It was a shame that that Mordin primitive had died as despite his insanity, his insights into the use of biotics for torture were quite innovative. They could have been friends if he were a Prothean.

"What about the hanar?" Benezia asked. She was more than aware of his opinions on them.

Those damned jelly primitives. Who'd vaunted them as some form of venerable demigods who showered every primitive in sight with mass effect technology. The Enkindlers.

Pah!

"In my cycle they were still hugging deep oceanic trenches scavenging coral and were a much vaunted delicacy amongst Protheans who favoured seafood, such as myself. And that is the reality they will return to upon their subjugation, enkindled for my pleasure." He stopped to enjoy his masterful wordplay. Benezia's lips wobbled slightly.

"Naturally we will take measures to conserve their species, after dominating them with our military might. They are tasty after all." Javik nodded to himself in memory. It was one of the few good memories he had of his time before entering stasis.

"It's a shame they've finally acquired sapience, I could do with roast skewered hanar." Javik said with a dramatic head shake to feign sorrow. One loud idiotic human openly said 'what the fuck' in response. It was so easy to incite reactions out of humans.

"Ewww!" Zylia and Athame cried and threw their ice-creams away in unison. He wasn't picking it up and he wouldn't have the girls dirty themselves by picking it up with their hands.

"Zylia and Athame, if you're going to litter, litter closer to the primitives, okay?" Javik said with a stern glance at the twins. He mimed pushing it with his foot.

They pouted and gave him those.. varren eyes? What did they even call it? Varren something eyes..

Well, the point is it didn't move him. They eventually ended up nudging their ice-cream away with the soles of their shoes as asked.

Better.

"Wait, you're not being serious are you, Javik?" Benezia asked with disgust in her voice.

A smile crossed his face at her disbelief. When did he ever joke?

"Of course I am, Benezia. They were almost as popular as raw salarian liver. A lot less... wholesome though, unfortunately. Very fattening," Javik replied.

"The Prothean knows his stuff!" the Krogan cried with a hearty chest thump.

Javik almost returned it until he noticed a group of salarians begin to swarm around the krogan. Ah well, his problem not Javik's.

He turned back to his children.

"Now, girls. Turians. It's clear by their primitive appearance that they'd be suited to hard labour. Mines, agriculture, security... But how would they yield to the Protheans?" Javik asked.

"Give them really big guns! Like really big ones, with guns on the end," Zylia said with a wise nod to herself.

"You're so silly, Zylia. You give them jobs as turians need work to survive, otherwise they die." Athame argued.

Sometimes, Javik wondered if the twins were.. damaged in some way. Their tendency to.. to stupidity couldn't have come from him, and Liara was a pedant when it came to being right about things. Damn Liara for insisting that they grow out of it themselves and refusing to let him teach them about Prothean rationalism. There was nothing wrong with it, even if sentimentality and emotion were completely discarded. He missed the days when she used to idolize him and his people, treating every word that came out of his mouth as hallowed truth.

Which it was.

"But then how do baby turians live then, Athame?" Zylia asked.

"Badly. That's why they're so tiny! Then when they get jobs they triple in size," Athame claimed, "I learnt that in xenobiology." She finished with a nod.

What? Javik wouldn't even bother to try and correct that. There was so much just, just wrong in that sentence. That was a job for Liara or better yet... he turned to Benezia with a shark's smile.

"Benezia, explain to your sister why she's wrong when we get home," Javik said. Benezia's attention to something behind him should have warned him.

"You won't have to, Benezia," a calm voice said behind him and hands, blue, deceptively delicate calloused hands, descended onto his shoulders.

"Mother," Benezia greeted with a smile.

"Mom!" The twins exclaimed.

It was her. Liara. Act natural, Javik. You just took the girls out for ice cream and a thorough grounding in siari philosophy. Yes, that sounds reasonable.

He turned to face her and his confidence slipped completely. She had that inscrutable expression on her face that indicated she was angry. It wasn't a Prothean thing to be doing, but he would grovel.

Grovel well.

"Liara, dearest, it's good to see you. Have I mentioned how much I love this Cycle? You? The girls?" Javik asked with what he hoped to be a loving smile on his face. Probably a grimace, by the laughter coming from Benezia and the twins.

"What did I tell you, Javik." Benezia smugly said. Hiding her smirk behind her ice-cream.

He'd completely forgotten he'd had an audience, but he remembered when they joined Benezia's laughter.

"You're in trouble too, Benezia. Not as much as your father, but more than enough. I'm restricting your omni-tool access for a month." Liara stated.

"I hate you, Javik," Benezia whined with a groan. There was the typical childish behaviour whenever Benezia didn't get her way. Javik would laugh at her if he wasn't in the varren pit.

"No, Benezia. It's 'I hate you, father'," Liara corrected with a slight smile.

Benezia chose silence. He wasn't sure whether to be touched or insulted.

"So, Liara, what brings you here?" Javik asked, hoping to distract her from whatever moral lecture she wanted to bore him with.

The smirk on her beautiful face didn't bode well for him.

"I see and hear all, sweetheart. Wasn't it a surprise to see my husband openly admitting to cannibalism and encouraging our daughters into discussing the enslavement of various Citadel races. Not a nice one," she said with a growing frown, "not a nice one at all."

Javik subtly brought his biotics to the fore. It'd be useful to have a barrier at the ready. Liara's anger could be... volatile. Especially when it came to him possibly corrupting the twins. Benezia was too intelligent for her own good, she'd ended up corrupting herself so thankfully she couldn't blame him for that.

But that would be overestimating her logic.

"Forgive me?" Javik asked

The twins had been whispering to each other about who-knows-what throughout the entire conversation, probably something incredibly silly, but had now stopped to watch. The crowd grew silent as well.

"No," Liara replied instantly with a cold edge to her eyes.

With the crowd laughing at him once more (what had happened to that krogan?), the twins joining them, and Benezia sneering at him, Javik gazed intently at Liara who was doing her best to look past him.

He thought he could see her lips wobble slightly. It made his humiliation bearable as mating after small arguments always proved enjoyable.

Javik would give her four days before she crumbled.


End file.
